... lacrimae sanguis animae sunt ...
06 June 2008
He has studied as many languages as he could, and has learnt about all the sciences. He has been to almost every single temple on Earth, and has been taught about almost all beliefs. Through all of his trips, he has experienced all possible feelings. The amazing excitement of taking part in a folk dancing session in the Scottish Highlands, the extremely pleasing hospitality of a Japanese old man, the powerlessness before the cry of a starving nearly-dead African child, the unique grateful moment of being blessed by the Pope, and all kinds of sentiments you can imagine.
In every place, every time, he looked for answers. Answers for questions which have always caused him disquiet. Questions which all the people some day in the childhood ask, but when adults, don’t even dare to think about. Such questions would never be answered.
On some few occasions he found himself really near the answers, but every time he got lost again, he realised he was getting further and further from the truth. Every time it happened, he realised that all the knowledge he had acquired in his life was just superficial, and that the truth was as deep as he would never reach.
His old age has hit him like an arrow, and surely he wasn’t ready for it. There was still too much to learn, too much to discover, too much to ask. Trying to find answers for his most deep questions, he has learnt everything about the mankind and the world, but nothing about God. On his last instants living, already under illusions on a hospital couch, he saw a man whose face was as familiar as the happy people in Scotland, the gentle Japanese old man, the innocent African little girl and the compassionate Pope. In an exhaustive effort to say something, he asked the man why he didn’t find the answers he has been looking for.
The man answered: ‘My child, what you look for is just inside you. People understand everything with the help of what they cannot understand. I’ve always been just here beside you, following you. Now, come and follow me.’
Hearing that, the man closed his eyes for the last time.
Renan Castro Ferreira, 06/06/2008.